Famous People Suicides.

Blogs should always be christened with an "I Hate" post, named so because it is a post about something the author absolutely can not stand. Now the title may have mislead you into thinking that I hate famous people commiting suicide. Actually I have no real feelings about that either way. What I really hate is depressive one-uppers. 

You know the people I'm talking about. These are the people who devote all of their time to telling you abot how much worse theirs lives are than yours. If you got a C- on your quiz, they failed theirs, If your girlfriend broke up with you theirs got hit by a truck, If you haven't gotten any action for the past few months, someone cut off their junk and threw it out the window of a moving car. You come to them looking for sympathy and leave wanting to punch them in their babymakers.

Fortunately I have figured out a way to deal with these one uppers, a way to send them away with their emotional hardcore tails hanging between their emotional hardcore legs. Every time a depressive one-upper one ups me with a depressing tale I will calmly respond with a macabre tale of a famous person's suicide. Here are a few examples:

Me: That test was freakin hard. I got a C-, Whats up with that

Depressive one-upper: Yeah, I hate that class, I actually have a G.

Me: Kurt Cobain was unable to deal with the rising pressures of fame and shot himself at the pinnacle of his career.

D1Up:*Sheds a single tear*

Me: Yesterday I was walking down the street and a dog bit me.

D1Up: Yesterday I had testicular cancer.

Me: Nick Drake overdosed on anti-depressants just weeks after recording the most sparse and chilling folk album ever.

D1Up: Maybe my life isn't so bad after all

` Me: My nose is running really badly.

D1Up: I'm scheduled to be executed for a crime I didn't commit.

Me: Ernest Hemingway, author of the only book ever to make my cry, was in one of the only world wars, but the only person he ever shot was himself.

D1Up:....

Me: I only got like 6 hours of sleep last night

D1Up: The memory of the slaughter of my family is so haunting that I haven't slept at all for the last year.

Me: Ian Curtis hung himself from the coat rack in his closet, which was so close to the ground that to actually allow himself to die he had to bend his knees, and even then the tips of his toes touched the floor.

D1Up: You're such an arsehole, I don't know why I even talk to you.